I walked away from church Sunday morning with a renewed spirit and knew what i had to do: to become less selfish and more selfless. You see, having a baby never truly prepares you to give up the selfish nature that you have. Of course you know in your head that this little bundle will be the new thing that you revolve your life around, but until they actually get here, becoming selfless seems more of an after thought instead of a new way of life. And as hard as it is to admit, this has been an issue that i have struggled with since B has come into my world. I honestly didn't think of myself as a very selfish person, but give me a colicky baby who doesn't like to poop (he might of gone once every 5 days if that), who literally screamed 23.5 hours out of the day from week 3 to about week 8 of his life (with the exception of nap time when he will take a nap or go down for the night, which was at 2-3 hr increments), trying to coach varsity boys track, and about 4-6 hours of sleep a day, you learn a lot about yourself. Some of it good and some of it not so good. Now, i realize i put a lot of that stress on myself, so all the fingers are pointed at me. But, i should of asked for some help and checked my pridefulness at the door, but no one is perfect and i am still learning.
Things that i have learned thus far are: yes, you can indeed run out of patience, that you need to value every ounce of sleep you can get and take advantage of it when you get it, and that you really are more selfish that you thought you were. I can't even count how many comments i have made to my husband about how great it must of been for him to sleep until 9 or how i can't go out with friends unless i take the baby along because he is always out with his friends without B. Now, let me tell you.....my husband has been terrific. I know me making those comments makes him look like he doesn't take any responsibility for B, but he does. What i haven't told you is he would stay up with B at 3 am so i could get some rest and then awake again at 7:30 to go to work. Or, he would send me flowers when i was on maternity leave because he knew the pressure of being "the perfect mom" was getting to me and wanted me to know that i was loved. So, before you go throwing stones at him, know he was and is a great dad.
I have learned if you're not careful, selfishness not only takes over your thoughts, but also affects how you treat people you love, your overall attitude, how you look at the world, and allows you to become bitter and spiteful. All of these traits, not so becoming of the ever growing Christians we are trying to become. And for me, my selfishness played and is still somewhat playing a toll in all aspects of my life. But, i have a new attitude to embrace this hostile selfish person that i have become and pray to the Lord that He will take it away from me in His time. Do i wish it would just magically be lifted from me never to return again? Sure...I think everyone wants that when they pray to the Lord for help. But, my God doesn't work like that all the time. And I'm pretty sure, He is helping me figure out how to embrace and learn from one of my many faults. You see, i prayed so hard for a baby, and literally, i feel like that is all i prayed to God for a year and a half ago. And, He answered my prayer. He didn't say, oh p.s.-this package doesn't come with instructions or by the way......this is going to be a little bit more challenging than you originally thought or even.... are you sure you know what you are getting yourself into? He just delivered the prayer and sits back and watches to see how i can make it glorify Him. And, unfortunately i don't think i have done the best job that i can be doing. So as i said previously in this "blog", that is my new goal: to go from selfish to selfless. How can my son ever live after the example of Christ, if he doesn't always see his mother doing it as well. What kind of a role model is that? You can't just go around talking the talk.....you have to walk the walk as well. So, Sunday night started my walk. Can't say it is going to be easy or challenging....i think the words I'm looking for is it is going to be something different and new. And ya know what, I'm up for the challenge. So instead of thinking about my life and how little sleep i might of gotten or how i am the friend that now that brings the baby along, I'm thinking about what a blessing i have been given by the big man up above and how can i use this gift to glorify and honor Him. Because sadly, not everyone can have a little chicken nugget of their own and i am truly grateful that I was blessed with Brayden.
So, which are you: selfish or selfless? And what aspects are you that in your life?
Something to ponder.
Adios!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
So Confusing
So, (I have realized that i particularly like starting most of my sentences out with this word.....strange) after reading i think every tutorial on this blogger website i still have no idea what i am actually doing. I do know these 2 things:
1. I can write sentences and then hit the "publish post" button and wa-la, my thoughts magically appear for all to see and
2. If all else fails, just call someone, which is pretty much what i am thinking is going to be the game plan for "blogging"
Like i said in my previous post, i have A LOT to learn. Hold that thought though.....crying baby awake from too short of a nap.
Okay, back for business some 80 hours later it feels like. Geez, what is it with babies not wanting to take naps? I mean honestly folks, if someone was like please, please let me rock you and say sweet things to you and then give you something to "comfort" you (in Brayden's case a pacie), wouldn't you be begging to go to sleep numerous times a day? I mean, i would, no need to try to butter me up for that one. But alas, dear sweet Brayden doesn't find the thought of nap time entertaining nor comforting and precedes to wake-up all too early from his much needed and i honestly mean much needed nap. You see, unfortunately for B (that's what i call him) he has gotten quite the bad gene from good ole ma and pops, which is known as that lovely piece of DNA we like to call stubbornness. Poor little B not only got a very microscopic dose from his mother, he has also gotten a very hefty double dose from his father. Now, i realize that this shocks all of you in the fact that you all thought that i didn't have a "stubborn" gene in my body, and i must say i agree with you about 99.99%, but that last 0.01% gets ya every time. (Ha ha) So, B and i fight daily on the topic of naps. He has yet to figure out that i am going to win almost every battle fought because i'm the mom and we basically rule the world he lives in. He will quickly learn when mama ain't happy, not only is nobody in the house happy, but anything and everything that revolves in his little world is not happy either. (P.S.- Thank heavens for spell check on this thing, cause without it, you wouldn't understand half of what i am trying to say) I pretty sure he is going to have a fabulous time learning this whole life lesson. Didn't we all?
Another thing i have learned from being a parent (the whole 5 months worth of it), is never say "oh, i won't do that" cause you 1. are seriously lying to yourself and 2. are going to eat your words at some point in time during your lifetime as a parent. For instance, when i was little my mom would always lick her thumb and wipe the sides of my mouth clean that i missed with a napkin. I don't think i can put into words how much it drove me crazy and totally grossed me out, not to mention is totally embarrassing. And, i swore up and down that i would never in a million years do that to my child. Well guess what folks...below and behold, i catch myself doing it to B all the time, and he's not even eating real people food yet. I can only imagine how awful it will be for him when he does. Poor kid....start praying for him now everyone cause i'm pretty sure it's going to drive him into some short of a breakdown later on in life. Oh, well it is what it is. I guess those awful things that you hated as a kid that you swore you would never do to your kids really does come full circle. And now, it makes sense why your parents did that too you......i always thought it was just because they liked to sit back and watch me squirm with embarrassment or just felt like tormenting me. Never once did it cross my small pea-brain of a self that it was actually for my benefit. Who knew? Lesson learned i suppose.
Well enough random thoughts and chatter for today. I find myself going off on random topics so prepare yourselves for these. You'll get a glimpse into my "bubble world" of a life. Hope you enjoy it.
Adios!
1. I can write sentences and then hit the "publish post" button and wa-la, my thoughts magically appear for all to see and
2. If all else fails, just call someone, which is pretty much what i am thinking is going to be the game plan for "blogging"
Like i said in my previous post, i have A LOT to learn. Hold that thought though.....crying baby awake from too short of a nap.
Okay, back for business some 80 hours later it feels like. Geez, what is it with babies not wanting to take naps? I mean honestly folks, if someone was like please, please let me rock you and say sweet things to you and then give you something to "comfort" you (in Brayden's case a pacie), wouldn't you be begging to go to sleep numerous times a day? I mean, i would, no need to try to butter me up for that one. But alas, dear sweet Brayden doesn't find the thought of nap time entertaining nor comforting and precedes to wake-up all too early from his much needed and i honestly mean much needed nap. You see, unfortunately for B (that's what i call him) he has gotten quite the bad gene from good ole ma and pops, which is known as that lovely piece of DNA we like to call stubbornness. Poor little B not only got a very microscopic dose from his mother, he has also gotten a very hefty double dose from his father. Now, i realize that this shocks all of you in the fact that you all thought that i didn't have a "stubborn" gene in my body, and i must say i agree with you about 99.99%, but that last 0.01% gets ya every time. (Ha ha) So, B and i fight daily on the topic of naps. He has yet to figure out that i am going to win almost every battle fought because i'm the mom and we basically rule the world he lives in. He will quickly learn when mama ain't happy, not only is nobody in the house happy, but anything and everything that revolves in his little world is not happy either. (P.S.- Thank heavens for spell check on this thing, cause without it, you wouldn't understand half of what i am trying to say) I pretty sure he is going to have a fabulous time learning this whole life lesson. Didn't we all?
Another thing i have learned from being a parent (the whole 5 months worth of it), is never say "oh, i won't do that" cause you 1. are seriously lying to yourself and 2. are going to eat your words at some point in time during your lifetime as a parent. For instance, when i was little my mom would always lick her thumb and wipe the sides of my mouth clean that i missed with a napkin. I don't think i can put into words how much it drove me crazy and totally grossed me out, not to mention is totally embarrassing. And, i swore up and down that i would never in a million years do that to my child. Well guess what folks...below and behold, i catch myself doing it to B all the time, and he's not even eating real people food yet. I can only imagine how awful it will be for him when he does. Poor kid....start praying for him now everyone cause i'm pretty sure it's going to drive him into some short of a breakdown later on in life. Oh, well it is what it is. I guess those awful things that you hated as a kid that you swore you would never do to your kids really does come full circle. And now, it makes sense why your parents did that too you......i always thought it was just because they liked to sit back and watch me squirm with embarrassment or just felt like tormenting me. Never once did it cross my small pea-brain of a self that it was actually for my benefit. Who knew? Lesson learned i suppose.
Well enough random thoughts and chatter for today. I find myself going off on random topics so prepare yourselves for these. You'll get a glimpse into my "bubble world" of a life. Hope you enjoy it.
Adios!
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Intro to me....
So, here goes my first adventure with technology and the world of blogging....who knew this existed. My friends inform me daily that i need to come out of the "bubble world" i live in and dive into the 21st century. What's wrong with living in a "bubble world"? My dad, who died last April, always lived in a bubble world and i think he was very content in his own little world of wonder. Plus, when you live in your own little world, there is nothing ever wrong in the world, not to mention you get whatever you want....when you want it. Who wouldn't want that?
So here goes nothing....can't say you don't like something if you never try it, right? Life As I Now Know It is the so-called "name" of my blog because the life that i use to know, no longer exists. About 5 short months ago my life drastically changed.....little Brayden James Fleming literally popped into the world, and my world has been rocked and rolled ever since. Now, don't get thinking to yourself that i am not grateful for this little chicken nugget of mine. My hubbie and i wanted a baby desperately and were and are very blessed when we got preggers on our second try. But, man oh man, nothing prepares you for what is coming in only 40 short weeks. You think to yourself, 40 weeks....wow, that's a long time. Well guess what folks, 40 weeks freakin' flies by, and i mean it FLIES. So you go to the doctor only what fills like a million times before you little wonder of the world decides to make their grand appearance. You get the dreaded first ultrasound, which let me tell you is nothing like what is seen on TV. They literally insert this long rod looking thing with jelly stuff on it into you and wa-la you see your small peanut (literally it is shaped like a peanut. Who knew?) floating around in this large sac looking thing. Now, if this is your first baby, like it was mine, you have absolutely no idea what you are looking at and you have to ask the person doing the ultrasound a thousand questions, which makes you feel like an idiot and the most unprepared mother-to-be in the world. But, thankfully you get over that and show up to each visit counting down the weeks when your little one will arrive. Then comes that essential milestone of the 20 week mark in your pregnancy where you get to find out the sex of the baby. Don't think i slept much the night before, because i was so excited. Now for me, i would of bet the house on the fact that i was having a girl. I mean i wouldn't even look at little boy clothes when we would shop around because i KNEW (yeah, right!!) i was having a girl. I even went as far as telling my husband that he needed to put on his "happy face" when they told him it was a girl. I knew he wanted a boy more than anything, so i was trying to prepare him for the fact that he was going to have a girl. Ya know, sometimes we really should just trust God and let Him tell us what the game plan is for our lives instead of us trying to figure it out for ourselves. Cause behold, at 20 weeks i was pregnant with very much a BOY! I honestly thought i might fall off the table when she told me that. Prior to going to the dr that day, my friend had told me what to look for.....she said, if it's a boy the part will look like a turtle popping its head out and if its a girl, the part will look like a big-mac. Well, the turtle was wide awake and revealing its head to all the world. I also had drank a 20 fl oz coca-cola on the way to the dr to guarantee that our little wonder would be wide awake for the ever awaiting ultrasound.....we were only getting one shot at this gender looking thing, so you best believe i was going to take full advantage and not let him sleep through it! The inventor of caffeine in a beverage really should win the Nobel Peace Prize cause i mean it's AMAZING.
So, its boy and everyone is thrilled. I think i was more thrilled to find out that our son had fingers, toes, a heart that was all connected, kidneys, a brain, etc than the actual sex. It seems like you hold your breath in anticipation for 20 long weeks eating what you are suppose to, taking those awful vitamins, and throwing your guts up all for that one sentence from the doctor......"he looks great!" Then it's like you can finally let out that breath and enjoy becoming fat, bloated, swollen, and breathless cause he just kneed you in the rib cage.
Well, hubbie needs the computer so i will continue at a later date. Enjoyed my first blogging experience and hopefully there will be more to come. Not quite sure how to make this thing pretty yet or uploading pictures. Boy do i have a lot to learn. Thank heavens i have friends who know how to operate this stuff and are currently living in the 21st century.
Adios!
So here goes nothing....can't say you don't like something if you never try it, right? Life As I Now Know It is the so-called "name" of my blog because the life that i use to know, no longer exists. About 5 short months ago my life drastically changed.....little Brayden James Fleming literally popped into the world, and my world has been rocked and rolled ever since. Now, don't get thinking to yourself that i am not grateful for this little chicken nugget of mine. My hubbie and i wanted a baby desperately and were and are very blessed when we got preggers on our second try. But, man oh man, nothing prepares you for what is coming in only 40 short weeks. You think to yourself, 40 weeks....wow, that's a long time. Well guess what folks, 40 weeks freakin' flies by, and i mean it FLIES. So you go to the doctor only what fills like a million times before you little wonder of the world decides to make their grand appearance. You get the dreaded first ultrasound, which let me tell you is nothing like what is seen on TV. They literally insert this long rod looking thing with jelly stuff on it into you and wa-la you see your small peanut (literally it is shaped like a peanut. Who knew?) floating around in this large sac looking thing. Now, if this is your first baby, like it was mine, you have absolutely no idea what you are looking at and you have to ask the person doing the ultrasound a thousand questions, which makes you feel like an idiot and the most unprepared mother-to-be in the world. But, thankfully you get over that and show up to each visit counting down the weeks when your little one will arrive. Then comes that essential milestone of the 20 week mark in your pregnancy where you get to find out the sex of the baby. Don't think i slept much the night before, because i was so excited. Now for me, i would of bet the house on the fact that i was having a girl. I mean i wouldn't even look at little boy clothes when we would shop around because i KNEW (yeah, right!!) i was having a girl. I even went as far as telling my husband that he needed to put on his "happy face" when they told him it was a girl. I knew he wanted a boy more than anything, so i was trying to prepare him for the fact that he was going to have a girl. Ya know, sometimes we really should just trust God and let Him tell us what the game plan is for our lives instead of us trying to figure it out for ourselves. Cause behold, at 20 weeks i was pregnant with very much a BOY! I honestly thought i might fall off the table when she told me that. Prior to going to the dr that day, my friend had told me what to look for.....she said, if it's a boy the part will look like a turtle popping its head out and if its a girl, the part will look like a big-mac. Well, the turtle was wide awake and revealing its head to all the world. I also had drank a 20 fl oz coca-cola on the way to the dr to guarantee that our little wonder would be wide awake for the ever awaiting ultrasound.....we were only getting one shot at this gender looking thing, so you best believe i was going to take full advantage and not let him sleep through it! The inventor of caffeine in a beverage really should win the Nobel Peace Prize cause i mean it's AMAZING.
So, its boy and everyone is thrilled. I think i was more thrilled to find out that our son had fingers, toes, a heart that was all connected, kidneys, a brain, etc than the actual sex. It seems like you hold your breath in anticipation for 20 long weeks eating what you are suppose to, taking those awful vitamins, and throwing your guts up all for that one sentence from the doctor......"he looks great!" Then it's like you can finally let out that breath and enjoy becoming fat, bloated, swollen, and breathless cause he just kneed you in the rib cage.
Well, hubbie needs the computer so i will continue at a later date. Enjoyed my first blogging experience and hopefully there will be more to come. Not quite sure how to make this thing pretty yet or uploading pictures. Boy do i have a lot to learn. Thank heavens i have friends who know how to operate this stuff and are currently living in the 21st century.
Adios!
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