Have you ever just been "over it"? Likely completely and utterly just over it? That's me today. I don't know why or what has changed, but today I'm over it. I'm over random crap. I'm over two kids constantly fighting & bickering. I'm over my house not selling. I'm over waiting for my house to sell. I'm over trying to be positive and keep my head up about my stupid house. I'm just OVER IT!
That's the nicest and simplest way i can put my thoughts into words without using massive amounts of profanity and punching something very hard and risk breaking a bone. Cause then, I'd probably be over having to pay someone to re-set my stupid bone that i broke in the first place for being over it. I get it, you get my point. A little excessive with the word "over". Got it. Note taken!
Just need to vent to the blank internet space out there. Nobody really cares that I'm over it, and honestly that's totally okay. Cause lets be honest people, my problem of being over it is really not that important in terms of real-life. People are getting be-headed for being Christians. I am able to openly talk and walk in my faith. Women are losing babies and some can't have babies. I am blessed with 2 healthy kiddos who drive me crazy daily, both good and bad. People are dying everyday of horrible diseases and cancer. As far as I know, I'm healthy (mentally is still yet to be determined). Marriages are destroyed daily from affairs, pornography, and deception. I have a faithful and loving husband who allows me to live 2 hrs away from him. Some people live in bondage with no freedom or rights. We live in a country that as of now we actually are allowed to have rights and speak our minds.
So yes, my little emotional breakdown of being "over it" doesn't really come close to the things of real-life.
So i find myself asking, God is it selfish that I want you to care about my "over its"? I know my things aren't even on the same spectrum as real-life things, but I still need and yearn for you to care. I still need you to sometimes walk me off the cliff that parades in my mind. I need to be okay with the waiting, and the house not selling, and the living apart, and the losing the job, and all the emotions that boil over more often than I'd like for them too. I need to be okay with all these things. I need you to care to help me be okay with all these things. I have to be okay with these things. More importantly, I need to accept these things. Why can't i accept them and move on? Is it because I'm still here and see the "reminders" daily? Is it because I'm still here in this house while the hubs is in ATL? Is it because I feel so trapped and helpless that I'm just darn stuck. I'm so tired of feeling stuck and helpless. Doesn't matter if i move to ATL or not. I'm still stuck with this house. I'm still with ties to Sandersville. I'm still stuck here until that one important piece of the puzzle gets finalized. I'm just stuck! And Lord, I'm so tired of being stuck. I'm so tired of saying the same prayer everyday and everyday and everyday feeling like I say it for nothing. Am i saying it for nothing God? Is it a pointless prayer? Because, if it is please just tell me. Let me heart and soul know so that i can accept and move on. Because, I'm at my breaking point. I'm ready to scream from the mountain tops that I'm OVER IT! I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm sad. I'm hurt. I'm over it! I"m just over it! And i need your guidance. I need your wisdom. Because, lets me honest. I can't do any of this without you. And right now, I need you. I need you Jesus. I need you God. I am yearning for an answer. Please open me up so that i can hear what you are trying to tell me. Because right now, being over it, I'm not hearing much if anything at all. Please Father. I need your help!
